Raw

Everything still feels very raw.

I handed over the 'keys to the castle' today.  Turned over the passwords to the accounts I had.  Gone.  Its done.

My website, the one I created, the one I worked hard on, the one I put so much of my time into.  MY page...its gone.

I'm still pretty bitter about it all.  I lost everything because of just a few...one person who was upset, one person who couldn't keep her opinions to herself and one person who obviously had a huge hatred for me.

I've been tempted to go back and visit, just read and see what was going on...but then someone told me what was going on...how I was being talked about behind my back, where they all knew I wouldn't see.  Plainly speaking words that if I were to see they knew would hurt me.  And yet they did it still because they were safe in the knowledge that I was not there to read the words.  I was also told that she who sought to destroy everything I held dear was now crawling back to reclaim her place, so long as I was not a part of the group anymore.  She who started the mess wanted back in, as long as I wasn't around.  And welcome her with open arms they did.  I'm shocked.

How can you be friends with someone for four years and just turn on them like that?  Just drop your friendship like it never even took a breath?

I shouldn't be having such a hard time with this.  How many times in my life have I been shoved aside by friends because something new and better comes along?  Too many to count.  It is only a matter of time before everyone that I care about screws me over and walks away.

I shouldn't be surprised at all....

My heart aches now...and with the winds and storms plaguing the land right now, well the outside matches my inside...